1.      That time that one man asked for a glass of water and then said, “Just bring everyone some water.”

2.      That time you asked what you could get for them, and they said, “A million dollars.”

3.      That time you told them to have a seat anywhere, and they chose the one fucking dirty table in the restaurant.

4.      That time you were picking up their plate, and it looked like it had been licked clean, and they said, “God, it was horrible.”

5.      That time they practically threw their arm out of its socket to get your attention.

6.      That time they said, “Don’t worry, I used to wait tables in college. I know what it’s like.”

7.      That time they ordered a frozen drink and told you that they couldn’t taste the alcohol.

8.      That time they said, “I don’t want to complain,” and then they went ahead and complained.

9.      That time they said, “What’s taking my hamburger so long? Did they have to go out and find the cow?”

10.    That time they acted all surprised when you told them the restaurant was closed, even though they were the only ones in the place, all of the chairs were on the table, the bus boy was vacuuming, and the cooks were dragging bags of garbage through the dining room.